I’ve been missing recently from my blog. I’ve been plotting and planning what my most recent post would be, along with also trying to find time to actually type it out without my 18 month old slamming his two cents in on my keyboard.
I had made it half way through a decent post with how being the retail mom has been, then of course life takes a different path. I couldn’t finish my post with these thoughts of mine going crazy. I knew I wanted to be done with talk about my miscarriages. I wanted to let go, but I feel like it’s now a fitting post for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month.
Your mind set changes when you go through something like this. Before ever having a miscarriage I remember seeing a pregnant woman and asking how far along or a mother with a child and asking her if she wanted more. I never found it rude. It never crossed my mind that I could offend someone. Now, its my life.
Yes, I know they do not know my story. Nor do I expect an apology if I decide to spill my life story out for them. This is not a rant. This is myself questioning how many times I may have asked someone this and broke their heart and wondering why some people have to argue on when I should have another child?
From the eye doctor that explains to me how him and his wife had kids every two years, so I should get started on that so my son can have a sibling. To the nail tech who says I shouldn’t wait and that I need more babies in my life. To the customer that sees a picture of my son on my phone, then asks when he will get a sibling.
I guess in short, don’t ask me when I’m going to have sex with my husband to reproduce or what I’m going to do with my vagina.
For all I know, I may have to live with the fact that Oliver may be my only child. Don’t get me wrong, I love my crazy child to the moon and back. Sometimes I just want more.
I want to overcome being 1 in 4.