Nothing can prepare you for the emptiness or for the feeling of being broken. I’m not just talking about physically either. Mentally and emotionally broken. I don’t care how many times someone tells me I’m not broken, because I am. My heart is broken.
This is the fall out.
It’s constant waves. It’s like nothing happened, then suddenly reality comes back and slaps me in the face. Yeah, I know what you may be thinking. We all go through these emotions at some point or another and we all need to move past it Krystle. Yeah, well fuck you. That’s what I say. I can not help but low key hate every pregnant person with their pregnancy announcements or gender reveals. Every mom group makes me want to cry and every post on my Instagram feed that I look past seems to baby related. I want to break down and throw my phone. I hate that. I don’t want to take from someone else’s happiness, but this anger isn’t going anywhere. I wish I hated social media so I could just abandon it all together.
Unfortunately, I can’t change how I feel. I wish I could fix it, but we all know it doesn’t work like that. I’m not going to hide how I feel and act like this isn’t a big deal to me. This is where I personally think this is how I failed myself last time. I kept it all in and swept it underneath the rug.
A month from now I would have had my second child if I hadn’t miscarried. Rinse and repeat. If I could protect anyone from this I would. Even my worst enemy.
I was very nervous when I made my first blog post. Even more nervous when I announced what I felt was my biggest failure to the world. The social media world can be a scary place, but the LOVE and support that has filled my inbox and the text messages have been so overwhelming. I will never be able to show how much all of that means to me.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriages. Ladies, you are not alone in this. If you need support you can find it in support groups, friends, family or sometimes even a stranger that will just listen. I know I will be there for you.