“Funny, isn’t it? The way memory works. The things you can’t quite remember, and the things you can never forget.” -Meredith Grey
I like starting my posts with a quote from my favorite fictional character, Meredith Grey. She’s my spirit animal. I relate everything to Grey’s like it’s my life, but let’s be honest, I’m no doctor and I would like to think my life isn’t surrounded by surgery and death. Her simple one liners or epic speeches to her beloved McDreamy always make me think to a certain moment in my life. Always. Dark and twisty or not.
Memory is funny. I don’t remember much from being a child. As far back as I can remember is maybe a fifth or sixth birthday party for me in the back yard of my parents house. Pretty sure it was Pocahontas themed and someone gifted me a Baywatch Barbie that came with a dolphin. Still have no idea where that damn dolphin went to this day. Anyways, that’s it. It’s a blurry mess of that one gift and Pocahontas napkins that surround that thought. I’m willing to bet that’s not how my parents saw it. As a parent you see such little things as moments you will always remember. Yes, we have the BIG moments for us as first time parents or firsts for each child. Those ARE big moments to reminisce on. Even the biggest, hard ass parents will soften at their child’s milestones.
Those are our social media memories. Where we announce to the world how much happiness we are filled with and how proud we are. I’m not talking about any of those. Think back to the last time it was just you and your child. There has to be a special moment that you will hold in the back of your mind forever.
Oliver couldn’t fall asleep the other night and seemed snuggly. My husband picked him up and brought him into our bed for a quick snuggle sesh. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t safely fall asleep since every other house down the road was setting off fireworks. I got comfy in bed as Robert handed him to me. He quickly cuddled up in my arms and just looked into my eyes for what seemed like days. The most innocent look I have ever seen. A tiny little smile of pure happiness to be laying in the big bed with mom. I could have looked at him forever in that moment. The overwhelming feeling of looking into your child’s eyes and knowing you made something so beautiful will never get old. This memory I will always remember. I obviously know Oliver will never remember this short moment in his baby life, but here I am days later occasionally closing my eyes to come back to this memory.
I will be eighty years old and still remembering this.