Beyond the Bump

As told from beyond the bump. I’m convinced that all the females on social media saying how easy pregnancy was and how beautiful it truly is, is a big JOKE. Here’s my pregnancy story and my reasons why I hated being pregnant. It was not a glorious journey to say the least..

I’ll just start off by telling you that finding out I was pregnant only SIX days before my wedding day was not how I pictured my first pregnancy to go. Actually, when I first started dating my husband I told him I didn’t want kids. Clearly, things changed my mind on that. Once I came around to deciding that I wanted a family I had this picture perfect idea of what it would look like. I imagined myself being excited and planning a disgustingly cute Pinterest pregnancy announcement for my soon to be husband. Not peeing on a stick and frantically yelling for him to come to the bathroom while a metric shit ton of people were arriving at our house for our wedding.

Let’s be really honest now. My pregnancy was the farthest thing from ideal. I, yet again, pictured something entirely different. My skinny self with this big beautiful bump, eating healthy meals, working out like I had been, planned natural birth and the exciting moment of my water breaking knowing our little nugget was on his way.

LET’S GET REAL. This didn’t happen. Life decided to hand me karma in the form of nausea to start. I’m assuming this is what I get for putting my parents through hell and being a little shit. Sweet baby Jesus, I will never back talk them again if this is the karma I am handed.

For the first FIVE months I was puking up everything I ate. Five fucking months. Doesn’t matter what I ate. Healthy food, sweet food, sour food, you name it! I would be lying in bed and out of no where I would be scrambling for the bathroom. Pretty sure I was waiting on customers and had to excuse myself to go puke my brains out. This is how mama brain starts. You puke them all out.  On my lunch breaks I would nap in my car and eat McDonald’s. Pretty sure that’s the only reason I survived the first trimester.

Once the sickness calmed down it was on to my sciatic muscle. Which for those who do not know what that means and are too lazy to google it:

“Sciatic pain is typically caused by lumbar spine problems, such as a bulging or herniated disc. … These situations can put pressure on the sciatic nerve, causing symptoms. Sciatica due to a herniated disc during pregnancy isn’t common. But, sciatic-like symptoms are common with low back pain in pregnancy.”

I remember going to bed one night and I couldn’t move. I woke up early in the morning and still couldn’t. My husband was begging and pleading with me to call out and go to the doctor. Before he decided to call my boss for me, we called my doctor and headed in. Unfortunately there’s nothing they can really give you to fix that. Being pregnant means riding out a lot of things. I was then sent to physical therapy and waddled around like a peguin more often than not. I thought that would be the end of it until little man was here. Yet again, life always has other plans. Next thing I know, I’m extremely bloated and itching up a storm. I’m scratching so much and so hard that I’m bleeding. I would wake up in the middle of the night with bloody thighs. I tried to remedy the itching with ice packs and lotions. It gave me slight relief. While working one day I itched so badly that my chest felt like it was burning. I had to unsnap my bra and try not to let my clothes touch my skin. I felt so embarrassed. I doubt anyone knew, but hot damn I felt like this itching moron. This is when I knew I really had to go see a doctor. My husband ended up taking me to the local hospital which did not have the doctors I would see for my appointments. I had actually left this hospital before because of how badly they treated me, but desperate times meant desperate measures. They diagnosed me with PUPPPS. Which yet again for those that are too lazy to google:

“Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy(PUPPP), known in United Kingdom as polymorphic eruption of pregnancy (PEP), is a chronic hives-like rash that strikes some women during pregnancy. The papules and plaques often first appear within stretch marks.”

Fucking kill me. This was strike three and I was done. They sent me on my way with some steroids and cream to help. In a few days I felt like I was on top on the world! I was amazed by how much better I felt. I was feeling so depressed throughout this pregnancy that I thought I was losing myself. I LOATHED being pregnant. Many nights I would just come home and crawl into bed and cry. My husband was on second shift for a good part of my pregnancy which made the house feel so alone. This is where I probably ate a little bit more ice cream than I should have while I binge watched Grey’s Anatomy for the third time in a row. THIS was it. I could feel it. Pregnancy was growing on me. No one really sees these struggles you go through as a pregnant woman. To be honest, unless you go through it you will never understand any of these things. You can try, but you’ll never be there. I do honestly envy the women that have a lovely pregnancy and make it look Facebook worthy, but what happens behind closed doors is probably a bitch. I have no problem saying pregnancy wasn’t my thing and that I wanted to punch every girl who said it was easy. Fuck you it was. That’s the bitterness. I wanted something glorious to look back on. I really wanted to like pregnancy and I thought I was going to now that everything that had brought me down in the past had passed.

Until March 31st 2016.

We’ll save this cluster fuck for a different day.





One thought on “Beyond the Bump

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