No working mother actually wants to get up and leave their child all day for work. It’s always nice to have a break away to talk to adults about actual adult things, but home is where I want to be. On a normal day I could be home at a decent time to actually see my family and soak in some snugs. Life has other plans, per usual. My nights will be spent closing my store and getting home late to my little man who is pretty much ready for bed and only wants his crib. (Yeah, my kid likes sleeping in his crib. Weird, right?!) This is where the wife and mom part of my life take a back seat. It sucks, but I’m confident everything will be alright once I make it through this shit storm of crappy ass shifts. I’ll get a new staff and life will be as it was, for the most part.
It’s not the working part of it that bothers me. It’s my job to be here and sell, I can do that just fine. It’s the days that hit you like a bitch slap. Where I find myself holding him tighter and question if I can actually hand him over to whoever is watching him that day.
Today was that day. Sitting there on my bed, holding him close and snapping as many pictures as I can until I get a decent one. As blurry or off centered as these pictures may be, I love them. They will never be what we think of as “Instagram worthy,” but these photos will always be what I hold close and look back on to remember the days I wanted to soak up all the snuggles. As I drove to work I frantically called my husband. I’m in tears as I tell him how much I miss our peanut. He reminds me how this is temporary and soon enough the day will be over and I will be at home again. I collect myself and truck on with my day.
Momming isn’t easy. Days are tough regardless of whether it was because the baby wouldn’t stop crying, you forgot their favorite blanket at home, or because the day wasn’t filled with enough snuggles. Soak it all in. Tomorrow the fails will be nothing and snuggle all you can. For all we know, we don’t have tomorrow.
Before I leave you for snuggles, I’ll leave you with my favorite Meredith Grey line.
“Did you say it? ‘I love you. I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life.’ Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in ’cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.”