I’ve been working in the cellular industry for about four years now. Which feels like forever. I enjoy learning about the newest smartphones, tablets, wearable, etc. I’m an accessory hoarder too. I have about a thousand different cases for each phone I get. At this rate, I’ve probably had fifteen phones in the past three years. I’m kinda junkie for it. Helping a customer pick out the right smartphone/tablet etc, is exciting to me. The people that come in excited and want to know about their products make my job super fun.
There is ALWAYS a but, which is the customer that will ruin my job for me. Anyone who has worked in retail can probably relate to this list I’m about to give you in some form of way and not just if you are working in cellular sales/sales. IF you read on and realize you have been this customer, rethink your next trip to your local store or kindly fuck off.
1.) “I bought this online, can you set it up for me?”
NO. NO. And FUCK NO. Nothing is more insulting than hearing this. Like most sales job, cellular sales is nine times out of ten commissioned based. So the fact you bought this online instead of coming to the store with a chance of actually getting educated on what this device does, is a big ole bitch slap. WHY in the world in do I want to waste my time setting this device up that you probably have no idea how to work and not get paid the sale? Yes, this might be a tiny opportunity for me to sell you something to go with what ever junk device you brought to me, unless you are that douche bag that just wants me to type in your Apple ID and password for you because you can’t see that damn screen. Guess you should of bought the bigger phone.
2.) “Well, customer service said I could.”
Customer service probably said a lot to get your bitching ass to hang up and leave them alone. A lot of people are not aware that all phone stores are NOT the same. Yes, there may be two AT&T stores or two Sprint stores in the same area, but I’m willing to bet each one has different ways of doing things or just some things that they can’t do at all due their systems. This is not our fault. Saying these “magical” words do not get you what you want. Please and thank you would be nicer.
3.) “My phone was just sitting there and just broke!”
My ass it did. If I had a dollar for every time I heard this I’d be so god damn rich. There is no way your iPhone 7 Plus was just sitting on your night stand and mysteriously got a smashed screen. Enough said. Come up with a better story next time. Hopefully you have insurance.
4.) “But my last phone was 99 cents.”
I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LAST PHONE. UGH. I’m pretty sure most of you are aware regardless of what carrier you have the typical way of purchasing a new device is through monthly payments through your cell phone bill. I’ve worked for a few different providers and I have tons of friends among different companies as well, so yes I know that this is a for sure thing. Don’t argue with the rep helping you. We do not care that you purchased your Galaxy S3 for ninety nine cents five years ago. Things are different and if you would quit being a rude ass I could take the time to explain this to you. This is what I am here for. Let me do my job.
5.) “OH wait this isn’t AT&T/Sprint/Verizon, can you still help me?”
Okay, I lied this line is more insulting and pisses me off more. Want to switch carriers? I would be delighted to help you out, but I don’t know why your Verizon cloud isn’t working or why your Sprint data has slowed down. When the sign above me clearly says that it’s not your current provider that should be a hint. No, I can’t look at your bill or have you make a payment for that here. I do not walk into a car dealership to ask them to help me fix my dishwasher. Just no.
6.) “Can you help me reset my Facebook/Tinder/Snapchat password?”
Any good rep is going to try and help you out as much as they can. Sometimes our resources are exhausted and we can only do so much when you don’t remember your back up email or your security questions. It’s not our fault you don’t remember the make and model of the first car you ever owned. KNOW YOUR SHIT DAMMIT.
7.) “You can just put your number in there.”
I understand the low key flirting is something that everyone probably has done at one point or another, but when I’m troubleshooting your busted phone the last thing I need to hear is you asking for me to place my number in your phone. Or anything along the lines of that. It’s just gross, my wedding band should help with reading that “screw off” on my forehead. Get back on tinder and move along.
8.) “So when is the newest iPhone coming out?”
*face palm* It could be the day after the release of the newest iPhone and I swear I will always get the customers who want to get on the waiting list for the next one. DUDE, it just came out. Give apple a break. You will find out around the same time that I do and no I do not know the specks for a phone that hasn’t even been made yet. We can’t see into the future yet with smartphones so hold your horses.
9.) “Don’t look at my photos!” or “Oops forgot that was there.”
Hide your nudes and dick pics. I don’t want to know what your girlfriends boobs look like out of that shirt. If you know that you need to go to the store and get assistance with your phone please, for the love of pizza get rid of that shit. It’s awkward.
10.) “Well my phone number is on the account!”
I hear this once a day from the butthurt customers that were not placed on the account to make changes or get an upgrade. Do not bark at me about this. I don’t care if you have “done this before.” My hands are tied. Would you want someone going into your bank account unauthorized? No you wouldn’t because that’s just stupid. Unfortunately, in this day in age this type of fraud is real and we do our best to protect your privacy. We do not bend the rules for douche bags by the way.
11.) “Do you know what you’re doing?!”
I’m done with humanity on this one. I have this job for a reason. The rep you are speaking to is probably the most capable person around you to help you with whatever issue you may have. Insulting us, being rude, making us feel small will not get us to move any quicker to assist you. Some of us get paid hourly too, so we can sit around all day taking our sweet time if you want to play that game. I will kill you with kindness. Remember, you need me at this point.
Respect your reps.